Anatomy Of A Verbal Altercation

I took an earlier train than usual on Friday, as it was a gorgeous afternoon and the very picture of a spring day. As is my luck, a lot of other people had the same brilliant idea. It's at times like these, I question the qualification of "brilliance". This train leaves about an hour and a half before the train I normally take home, so I was getting a decent head start on my weekend. I commute a total of about three and a half hours a day, so any chance to get out of town ahead of time is ok by me.

Things started out normally enough.... I was a few minutes early, which is not typical for me when trying to catch this particular run. I thought things were totally going my way. When I boarded the train, I immediately noticed there were a lot more people on than normal. "Nice afternoon... Friday... figures..", I thought. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits, buoyed by the spring weather, and many conversations were dedicated to weekend plans, gardening ideas and the intent of unabashed relaxation. I made my way to what is normally dedicated the "Quiet Car", as I do when I am not riding my normal train with my normal crew (A separate post on this at another time.). I noticed the sign that normally hangs from the ceiling denoting that you are now entering the "Quiet Car" was conspicuously absent, but thought nothing of it. This car too, is very full compared to normal, but I make my way to the very front of the car where there is an empty seat of two facing another empty seat of two. I know this will not last, but will be comfortable for as long as I can be. I then found some appropriate kicking-off-the-weekend music (Sheryl Crow, can't go wrong.) and settle into my seat to meditate or otherwise tune out my surroundings until I get to my destination.

Just before we pulled out of Union Station, I saw an acquaintance from my normal train wandering into the car looking for a seat. We had conversed several times, and are in the same line of work, so I waved hello and let her know there was available real estate across from me. She is somewhat dedicated to her craft, so she pulls out her laptop and begins tapping away at the keys once she got settled into her seat. We exchanged pleasantries and began a "Quiet" conversation about weekend plans, the weather... you know the drill. After a few minutes, she decided it was the weekend after all, and decided to have a full conversation with me about her resume, work issues, etc. I have no problem with this as she is a decent conversationalist and seems all in all like a good person. As we continued on our journey, more and more people piled into the car at each stop. Soon it was very crowded and there were no seats to be had. I noticed that the "Quiet Car" sign still was not hanging in its normal spot and figured the designation was lifted due to the heavy ridership that afternoon. My acquaintance (for ease of reference, we'll call her "Agnes") has a voice that, for lack of a better term, carries. Now, some people use that term politely to describe a person that is just loud and completely devoid of an "indoor" voice, but I am not using it in that context here. I assure you her volume was not excessive and no "adult" language was being used. In short, no reasonable person would consider this a violation of "Quiet Car" etiquette.

At one stop, a woman got out of her seat as she was getting ready to depart, and informed Agnes: "You may or may not know this, but you are sitting in the Quiet Car and there are not supposed to be any conversations, blah blah blah...". I rolled my eyes immediately. I'd heard of these Quiet Car Nazis but had never seen one in action. It is really a sad thing to watch. Now, Agnes has been riding the train for a while and knows all of the rules regarding "QC" (I'm tired of typing "Quiet Car") and retorts: "I understand the "QC" rules and we ARE allowed to have conversations quietly." The QCN (Quiet Car Nazi) stands firm in her contention that there are to be no conversations, until another rider and I corrected the QCN about quiet conversations being acceptable. The QCN, surprised her assertion was being challenged, was somewhat embarrassed. So she then admonished Agnes for her volume of conversation. For some reason, the QCN went out of her way to note that MY volume was acceptable, but Agnes' was not. (I mean, really, who elected this person to be the QC Police!?) In the interest of not escalating the altercation, Agnes (and I give her major props for this) apologizes. As the QCN turns to exit the train, I note to her that the QC sign is not hanging today and that perhaps she should lighten up. She turns to me indignantly, replies "Hmph", then exits the train. After she left, other riders around us agreed the QCN was out of line and our conversation had in no way bothered them or violated Quiet Car etiquette. The woman just wanted to screw with someone.... period.

An ironic observation for those who are unfamiliar with commuter trains.... Quiet Cars are typically situated just behind the locomotive, which are generally very noisy what, with their massive engine, 120 decibel horn, etc. That slightly defeats the purpose, doesn't it?

As I thought about this altercation more, it occurred to me that the QCN has definite control issues. There must be things going on in her life that she feels she can't control, so she controls what she can. This is probably the root of a lot of altercations. People try to tell other people what to do and not mind their own business more than likely because they CAN'T manage their own business. It is painfully obvious to me that this woman targeted Agnes because she's a bit overweight, a bit of a techno-geek, and young. By contrast, the QCN is middle-aged, wears a business suit, has her colored-but-still-graying hair conservatively styled and carries her weight as if she tirelessly struggles to maintain that size six. Maybe QCN was jealous of Agnes' comfort in her own skin, or that Agnes talked so easily about her career aspirations and family plans with her husband. Whatever the case, I hope QCN realizes someday soon that life is too short to bully others out of jealousy, disapproval or a sense of control. Take charge of your own life, and you'll be a happier person.